


Don't Go (I can't do this on my own)

by patwrites



Series: Infinity War Aftermath [1]
Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Infinity War Spoilers, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I needed to let this out of my system after the movie, I wasn't even sure about posting it, Not A Fix-It, Not A Happy Ending, You're Welcome, in the end I chose to make others suffer as well, iron dad & spider son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14698215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patwrites/pseuds/patwrites
Summary: What if Tony saved everyone? What if he wielded the Gauntlet to kill Thanos and bring everyone back? What if it killed him in the process? How would Peter cope? What would happen then?INFINITY WAR SPOILERS, if the tags weren't obvious enough.





	Don't Go (I can't do this on my own)

**Author's Note:**

> Here, suffer. I have, and so should you. My friend hates me for having made him read this with his own two eyes.

Life was a fickle thing, Peter had learned. Sure, he was still a kid, barely turned 17, so what did he know about life? But he did know quite a lot about it. He knew that life wasn't fair. After all, his parents had left his life when he was too little to understand what was happening and what it meant, and his uncle was ripped from him with brutality a few years later.

Life was kind, the teen knew. It had given him his aunt and uncle when he had no one else left, it had given him Ned when he needed a friend, it had given him his superpowers when he desperately needed something to give him purpose and a chance to do what he never could with his uncle: protect the little guy. It had also given him Tony Stark; Peter didn't know exactly how to describe his relationship with the man. The adult was kind and patient with him, he had guided him when he was lost, taught him lessons when he was naive, and supported him when no one would. Mr. Stark had understood why Peter did what he did, and instead of trying to persuade him to give up on superheroing, he had made sure he was safe and well equipped to fight evil or protect innocent people while doing it.

But what Peter did know about his relationship with the man was that it was something he dearly cherished, that it was more comforting than it should have been to have another adult in his life to lean on beside May and that life without Tony Stark in it seemed bleak and sad.

Life, Peter learned today, was also a bitch. _"Language, kid! I thought May and I taught you better than that!"_ sounded in his mind, voice clear as day, affection and care veiled by a thin layer of sarcasm striking a cord inside of him. ** _'No, this isn't fair, this isn't how it was supposed to be,'_ ** he thought. They were supposed to fight until their last breath, to give it their all, and to come out as winners on the other side, all in one piece, maybe just a little scratched, cracked or bent in certain places but certainly all there.

Peter had fought the Vulture without his suit and nothing but his powers and sheer will, and had come out on the other side a better version of himself. The Avengers fought the Chitauri in 2012, destroyed Ultron a few years later, individually they had battled with villains (human or not) and had won every single time, with one more tale to tell, one more scar to trace in the dead of night, one more nightmare to wake them up at the crack of dawn or one more memory to keep them up until daybreak. Regardless of the battles, the foes, the hardships and obstacles, each and every one of them had succeeded in the end because they were heroes, they were remarkable and they had been together at the end of the day.

They had been together today as well. They had been heroes today as well. They had fought remarkably side by side, never giving up no matter the odds today, as well. It had been in vain. They had lost. He had _died_. Peter still remembers what it felt like to turn into dust right before his eyes, to feel himself disappearing and vanishing from reality like he had never existed in the first place. He still wakes up some days, mind alert and frightened, feeling the ghost of his spidersenses knowing death was near and having been unable to do anything to stop it, Mister Stark being unable to do anything about it.

But then he came back to life, and so did everyone else. It had all felt like a dream, like an awful nightmare he wishes he could forget. People had been joyous, hugging each other with smiles on their faces, greeting their friends while those who had been left behind, alive but alone, tried and failed to prevent tears from escaping their eyes. Only, something was wrong.

Peter looked around himself, frantically searching for that one person, the only person who mattered at the moment. He needed to see him, to give him that hug they had both always wanted to share but had been too afraid to give in to, and had been forced to use as a last goodbye when faced with death. The teenager needed to feel Mr. Stark's arms around his back, to know that he was fine and that Peter was truly back, truly alive and in one piece because despite the fact that his mentor deserved that hug and needed it like air, he was needy too. You could call him childish, and maybe he was, but he needed an adult to use as an anchor in this difficult time, someone to assure him things were okay and that they had won.

But no matter where he looked, Mr. Stark wasn't there.

"Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark!!!" Peter yelled, his throat dry and heart hammering in his chest. No, it couldn't be. It just couldn't.

"Mr. Rogers? Where...where is Mr. Stark?" Peter asked when the people around him stopped short and looked around, trying to find his mentor or looked at him with pity in their eyes. Captain America's face was twisted in pain and grief, and his eyes screamed pity.

"Peter, he..Tony had to use the Gauntlet to bring everyone back.. It was too powerful for his human body..."

Peter took a step back, as if burned, while tears poured out of his eyes like waterfalls and sobs shook his body.

"No! NO!" He screamed like a madman, shaking his head so fast he was getting whiplash. "No, you're lying! He's here, he's alive! He must be! Oh god no.." he whispered brokenly, stumbling back to rest his back against a tree trunk, sliding downwards and plopping on the ground gracelessly. He drew his knees closer, wrapped his arms around them and cried until he had no more tears to give. He vaguely remembers multiple people coming up to him, trying to offer him comfort with empty words and careful touches that burned his skin and made him recoil in disgust. The only touch he needed was that goddamned hug from Mr. Stark!

Peter doesn't know how long he stayed there, just staring blankly ahead after the tears stopped coming. All that he knows is that his heart hurt and his chest was hollow. If Thanos hadn't been killed by his mentor, _his father figure_ , he would've squeezed the life out of the bastard himself.

Pepper Potts was the one who got through to him in the end, when she slid down beside him and told him about the positive pregnancy test she got after Mr. Stark told her about the dream he had had. She started crying too, and they hugged, holding each other close together, sharing their mutual pain. Peter managed to ask permission to touch her still flat belly, his senses detecting life inside, and he swore he would protect that baby with all he had, the brother from another father.

After that, it was all a blur. He remembers meeting aunt May and hugging her, being squashed against her chest as she kissed his hair and looked him over for injuries with motherly concern. He had been too numb to do anything other than nod and grunt here and there. He knew it wasn't fair to her, but his pain was far greater than anything he had ever experienced. Losing uncle Ben had been hard and it had nearly destroyed him, having been still very much a child back then. Losing Tony Stark was much worse. It wasn't that he had meant more to Peter than uncle Ben or his parents or that he had been closer to him than them. Maybe it was because he had been a stranger, with absolutely no obligations to take Peter under his wing, mentor him and take care of him, who had become a co-parent with May at some point along the way, and who had given Peter hope that maybe life wasn't so bad. It hurt more because all that had been taken from him at the snap of a finger, so suddenly and quickly, not even allowing him to do anything about it, to try and save Mister Stark.

Just like with uncle Ben, he had been powerless against fate, against Life. And now he found himself having to pick up the pieces of what was left of him, having to mend his so young but so old soul and move on. How could Peter ever let anyone in again? How could he trust that this wouldn't happen again and again and again until he was left all alone in the world, cursed to watch all of his loved ones be ripped from his life and stomped on like ants?

In the end, Peter doesn't know if Tony Stark's sacrifice was worth it. He wishes he had stayed dead if only for Tony to be happy and alive. But in truth, he knows it in his heart that that's what drove Mr. Stark to do what he had done. He knew how the man had thought of himself and he knew better than anyone that choosing to live when you could save half the universe was out of the question. And because, you see, a life without Peter Parker in it was a sad life for his mentor, Pepper Potts had said. But a life without Tony Stark was even worse, in Peter's opinion.

Steve Rogers had been right that day after all: Earth _had_ just lost its best defender. But Peter had lost so much more.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this turned out okay. Feedback is more than welcomed, and I never say no to people yelling at me about Marvel and/or their faves. You can find me @armoredavengers on Tumblr too!


End file.
